Relationships

Dating Relationships By Birth Order

Do you want some fresh insight into your love personality? Forget the horoscopes! It might help you instead to consider whether you're a first-born, middle child, or baby of the family. If you want to understand how you operate in every kind of relationships, "understanding birth order is a lifesaver," stresses psychologist Kevin Leman, Ph.D., author of The Birth Order Book. If you're an eldest child like me, it might interest you to know that it's no coincidence that most US presidents were first-borns.

This is the sign of natural leaders. First-borns are take-charge persons. Eldest kids are planners, says Dr. Leman so a love challenge for first-borns is being more spontaneous. The best match for a first-born is one who is the youngest child. "It's a case of opposites attracting," says Dr. Leman. The first-born helps the last-born be more organized, and the last-born helps the first-born lighten up."  

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I'm the youngest and all my exes were eldest in order. They hated surprises. And I was a surprise. They took things too seriously. They thought I was a joke. When I walked around with a gooey smile on my face, they had this underlying feeling that something bad happened around the corner. My corner to be more specific. Instead of appreciating the good, they seemed to be happily upset over the perceived flaws. Leman, where did we go wrong? Oh well, it wasn't really them. It was I. But seriously, I think I also took things for granted thinking that the relationships were okay until they're not. I agree.  

Eldest children are usually good planners. They put order to the relationships.  

Youngest kids are spontaneous. We keep things light. But overall, I also think it's true that this set-up stands a good chance to make it through the rain. The eldest and the youngest, together, might not always have a good roof over their head. But they will always have an umbrella!  

Contrary to their reputation as insecure messes, middle kids actually make stable and loyal partners. Middle kids probably grew up feeling they got less attention than their siblings so that drives them to work for every perk-including  happy relationships. Middle kids are compromisers and negotiators so they usually give their partners plenty of say in everything as middles hate conflict but instead try to put others at ease. A love challenge for middle kids is opening up because middle children can be very secretive, says Dr. Leman. Best match for middle kids is the youngest child. Middles aren't as threatened by last-born kids as they are by exacting first-borns, so the odds are good for open communication, says Leman.  

The middle child is said to be always in the middle. Not as good as the eldest. Not as sweet as the youngest. And so they tend to follow what everyone else is doing. But compromise is not always the good approach.  

Have you seen relationships that's seemingly one dimensional and unreal?  

Are they both middle children?  

Then that's possibly the reason why they're both neither here nor there. Both parties end up sacrificing something and neither end up with what they want.  

I still think, and I hope it's not only because I am the youngest child, that relationships can still work even if two people will fly and follow his or her bliss despite his or her limitations. We're all flawed.  

The most outgoing kids in the birth order are the youngest children who live to have a good time (it may be because their parents were more laid-back by the time they came along). In fact, most famous comedians are youngest children. A partial list: Jon Stewart, Jim Carrey, Ellen DeGeneres, Steve Martin, and Eddie Murphy. Youngest children love to do the unexpected, often on the spur of the moment but their love challenge. Leman says, "they are the least financially dependable," which comes from being babied. Leman also writes that some youngest children use that last-born charm and charisma to be a bit manipulative. Best match for last-borns is the oldest child or middle child. And what if you're an only child? Leman wrote: "Only children are super-reliable.  

They're like oldest children to the extreme." An only child's love challenge is being a bit of a perfectionist and his or her best match is the youngest kid, because they balance each other out.  

Still the youngest kid. Everyone seems to want to be with us! But seriously, we really can't put people in a box. People are not simply either villains or heroes. They can be both. They can also be saints and sinners, intelligent and stupid. For me, this sounds like a more realistic proposition.  

We all make adjustments whether we're the eldest, the middle or the youngest child. We come from different walks of life with a possibly different set of values. There will always be a challenge to any relationship. But we all can choose to be ready, hopeful and willing. It all seems too simple, really, but who the said the formula had to be complicated? Paging, Dr. Phil. 

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